Thursday, June 7, 2018

Offending Sensibilities

Sensibility is having the capacity for sensation or feeling; responsiveness or susceptibility to sensory stimuli. Mental susceptibility or responsiveness; quickness and acuteness of apprehension or feeling. And having a keen consciousness or appreciation.

Is putting someone's well being first while knowing you are offending their sensibilities ok? I know now it is not.

I recently offended a very dear friend by thinking I was being kind by letting him sit on a chair while I chose to sit on the floor. We had a back and forth....”Sit here please, he said” While I stubbornly refused and chose to sit on the floor. Back and forth and back and forth we went, he finally gave in and I felt happy that I was protecting him.

He frowned lovingly at me as I sat on the floor. I said to him, “I am sorry I have offended your sensibilities”. I feel bad about the entire episode. He was the epitome of a gentleman, offering a woman his mothers age the chair. I now know that I embarrassed him with my stubbornness and I am truly sorry. I don't relate to him on a mother/son age level but on an equal deep friendship level. Looking back on this I can see maybe there was a part of that mother/son coming from both of us to each other and my heart warms at the thought of it. I won't be arguing about being offered a chair ever again.

How much does it take before you turn your back?

This also has to do with sensibilities. I had a dream I was turning my back on a person that was acting in a way that offended me to the core. We were in a small room full of people waiting for his performance of sorts. I had the opportunity to tell him in front of everyone that he was being an asshole to the people that he had invited there. Everyone else were like sheep and just waited and accepted what they felt was normal behavior in society. He returned my opinion with insults of his own and I left the room and went outside.

I woke up in a state of deep sadness on the verge of tears. Avoiding the news from the US for the past year has made my life and heart lighter. When I was trying to figure out where the hell this dream came from I realized I glanced at a few lines about a Senator that was not allowed to inspect an immigration detention center for children taken away from their parents. They would not even let him in the door!

And then I saw the news of a famous designer that hung herself and left a note to her 13 year old daughter telling her that it wasn't her fault. Her obvious mental state and what she did will change the life of her impressionable daughter forever.

My entire life I have always felt my heart breaking when watching or reading the news, movie or book having to do with humans hurting other humans. I would sit on the sofa and cry wondering why the world is so awful, wanting to change it and knowing there is nothing I can do.

There are times when I really really dislike humans, but then one human comes along and offers me his seat.